Judge jokes

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When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said
she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have
waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled
with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through
a red light' five hundred times."

Rating: 2.6 |

Mr. Schneider stood up in court. "As God is my judge, I do not owe my
ex-wife any money."

Glaring down at him, the judge replied, "He's not. I am. You do."

Rating: 2.4 |

Judge to witness: "And where was the location of the
accident?"

Witness: "Approximately milepost 499."

Judge:: "And where is milepost 499?"

Witness: "About halfway between milepost 498 and milepost
500."

Rating: 2.0 |

Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this
case?

Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long.

Judge: Can't they do without you at work?

Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it.

Rating: 2.0 |

A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven,
but not at all happy with his accommodations.
He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his
only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The
lawyer immediately advised that he intended to
appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting
at least three years before his appeal could be
heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait
was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who
told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal
to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing
to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: "Why can
appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?"
The devil answered: "We have all of the judges."

Rating: 3.0 |

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